“God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them”
Franz Kafka quotes (German Writer of visionary fiction, 1883-1924)
People of Merica it is time we finally take a stand and get this whole nut insanity (NO PUN INTENDED) straightened out. I have been very intensely conducting a VERY loose survey regarding how the various types of nuts stack up against one another.
Well this is it, this is your chance to come in and defend your favorite nut while for the love of GAWD hopefully insulting your least favorite. Below you will find my ranking. Just because I don't mention your favorite here doesn't mean you shouldn't so take up arms and let's get to business!
One rule I am laying down is, I don't want to hear anything about "well this nut sux because I have to get the shell off, and sniffle sniffle sniffle. I don't care about the shell, all nuts can pretty much be purchase shelled. If you can't afford such shelled nuts, then what are you doing on the Internet!? Oh, and don't even start with, "well in a mixture of nuts this one is good, blahdy blahdy blahh". This is a nut on its own with no others to prop it up.
1. Almonds: Yes top spot for the following reasons; Love the texture, has a nice refreshing taste that isn't overly oily and can take on virtually any flavor and pulls it off with flying colors. A festival for the mouth. Huzzah! Huzzah! Oh and lastly, can anyone say Marzipan!!!!!
2. Hazelnuts: Very good, robust flavor, lots of applications. Comes in and takes desserts to the next level. THE NEXT LEVEL PEOPLE! Really popular in Germany and that makes me happy.
3. Macadamia Nuts: Wow, if you haven't been to Hawaii you have no idea how a nut can define a tropical destination. While being great plain or, my all time favorite, toffee covered the macadamia nut really stands on its own. The macadamia also traverses with ease the various sorts of chocolate out there. It works super nicely when "encrusting" meats such as fish or chicken as well. The least healthy nut BY FAR so watch out.
4. Peanuts: Okay, not too huge of a fan here but I gots to pay my respects to this one, I mean peanut butter, Thai peanut sauces (please go out right now and get some green beans and dip them in this, you will not regret it I promise you). Cookies, getting gum out of your hair, you name it the peanut is probably like 3 degrees of Kevin Bacon away from solving the task at hand. Often imitated, never duplicated (ya hear me cashew, you coward).
5. Walnut/Pecan: So, before anyone rakes me over the hot coals of shiva on this one. You do have to admit they are similar. I find the very thin skin on these nuts bitter so their use to me is limited. I love walnut in cookies and pecan pie ain't bad at all. Sorry guys you have much to compete with, nobody said it would be easy to be the best nut and neither of you are.
6. Brazil nut: Um wuh? Uh okay, a weird one but not the worst, I've had like 5 of these in my life so you know, whatever.
7. Cashews: Don't let the cashew fool you. It is a peanut impostor! It's like "hey, eat me, I'm like a big curvy peanut that is slightly creamier". Cashew, if I could end your existence I soooo would, you lackluster imitator.
Fin!
